Crash.....Boom.....Ouch X

There's just been so much going on, the days have been jam packed that I just feel as if I'm going in circles. Who knows...maybe I am! So with everything that has been going on I am just now able to post a update.

I have waited and waited to get a Orthopedic Surgeon, I've waded through the red tape, I've prayed and prayed and practiced patience.

I told one of my nurses the week before my appointment that it looked like we might get some bad weather come the day of my highly awaited appointment. She said "well you know you can always reschedule....RESCHEDULE...... huummp!! Reschedule.....what a mean and cruel word! I could very well be waiting another six weeks if I did that. I replied "girl, you don't know me very well, I will spend the night in Fort Smith in a cheap, flea bitten motel before I reschedule, they do have cabs here you know". So of course, just as my luck would have it February 1st dawns and with it comes ice. I kept telling Eric I should have stayed in Fort Smith, I didn't sleep the night before because I was too busy watching the weather, getting up and going to the front door to look out the window. With each passing hour my tension rose. Eric on the other hand.....was snoring up a storm! Sometimes that just really irritates me. Yes, the snoring but also the fact that he can sleep!

He had just gotten to go back to work and was scheduled to work that Tuesday and yeah honestly we really need the money. I was nervous for him to ask for the day off to go with me, he's been off so much, and a day off means a day off without pay. And well...when are they going to get tired of it? So I'm having all this worry, all this anxiety and tension and he rubs my head and says, "all that matters is that I am with you and no job is worth it. Since the accident I've learned that while trying to get ahead and be on top of the game is great we've spent alot of time getting ahead, fortunately we were, but we wasted alot of "time". And now we've been knocked on our asses, and at the end of the day it doesn't matter. Because at the end of the day they don't care about me like you do. You worry about the bills and the house and you take all the stress to make sure everything is taken care of and how we are going to make it, that Ty is taken care of but at the end of the day they don't give me the shelter you do". Awwwww.......sniff......sniff........ And well he said some other stuff too.....which I will just keep to myself because I'm sure that he's gonna strangle me for telling what bits I did! lol But well...he hasn't said a whole lot since the accident, you know the "deep" stuff. He doesn't say stuff like that all the time and he says, "it wouldn't be as special if I did it all the time".....so there you have it folks, the philosophy of a simple country boy. We had a great talk, about things that are important now and things we feel aren't any more.

But even though my handy husband can do alot of things he can't change the weather.

We were blessed with safe (slow) travel to and from and I got to keep my appointment.

I was nervous. I think it was more from the fact that I already had built my hopes up so much on the last appointment with a orthopedic surgeon and that didn't go so well, that doctor that never really checked me out, that doctor that said I needed to give it more time and that I probably didn't have anything that really needed fixing.

So after about a 20 minute wait I had some new xrays taken on my knees, in some different positions that haven't been done before, get my chart updated and get in a room finally to wait for like thirty minutes or more. Now my tension is building because I'm so anxious for this visit to go better than my last one with that "other" doctor did, my ears are doing that ringing crap again along with the roaring in them. So in sweeps this big guy, he's talking 90 to nothing and my ears are making it very hard for me to hear him plus I really need him to slow down so I can keep up. I process information just some days I'm processing it slower than others especially when my ears are ringing. They can't get my CD disk I brought with all my prior xrays, cat scans and mri's on it to open, do I know the trick or what program was used, sometimes they can't use the disk, have you seen your xrays, ok you have numerous issues, a motorcycle wreck tell me exactly how you flew, oh excuse me my cell is ringin I really need to take this call, etc, etc, etc. He leaves the room and Eric looks at me and says, "did you get any of that?" Well, no not really, so Eric's catching me up to speed and I'm checking out these cool new xrays of my knees that I got done and telling Eric today of all days my ears are really bothering me and I'm just running slow. Which in reality is my biggest complaint and causes me the most stress next to the actual pain.

So back in comes the whirlwind. I got put through the ringer. Poked and prodded really good. I didn't take any pain meds before the appointment and I really should have. By the time Dr. Jones was done digging (yeah that's what it felt like to me anyway) his fingers in all my pain places, I had sweat rings under my arms and down my back, I refused to cry and told Eric once I thought I might be sick. And I was determined I wasn't going to pass out. It's this and it's that and we need to do this and need to do that and this this and this and these are the steps and Eric is trying to get him to slow down, but the man has a plan! A plan I tell you! Dr. Jones was all business and moving along pretty fast all the while poke, poke, POKE!. Moving from one knee to the other, my left shoulder, elbow, wrist, hand and then onto my back and hips. Then he said the words that brought tears to my eyes...."You do have issues. Many issues that need fixed and if you'll work with me I'll work with you. I don't guarantee anything, but I think you are a prime candidate for several repair surgeries". Holy Cow! At first I didn't hear the part about several, I didn't really pay attention to the part about healing time in between surgeries and Dr. Jones stopped and asked if he had lost me and all I could say is, "you'll never know how much it means to me to hear you actually say I have things wrong that need fixed. All this time I have waited and prayed and felt like alot of people weren't believing me that I hurt that things aren't right and I am having trouble getting past the fact that you said I''m going to get repaired. I'm so thankful just for the fact that you believe me".

Finally someone that believed me that things aren't right, finally someone who did tests and can see that things aren't right, finally someone who isn't intimidated by all my issues! Thank you Lord!

And finally....to those who thought I wasn't so bad, that I was probably milking it....nannie, nannie, nannie on you!

1. Knees (both):

My knees are messed up. They actually are worse than I even thought. My knee caps are not in the middle where they belong, they are displaced to the sides and rubbing the edges of the other bones, so he is going to put them back. I have damage under the knee caps, and he is going to take care of that. I have some damage to my meniscus that will need to be repaired and he will check the acl because it is probably damaged also. And I'm going to get a lateral release done. All this on both knees. They will start with the right knee first since it is locking up. Once he was done examining the knees I had to ask for a break, he had me in a sweat and I was about to throw up I hurt so bad from all his poking and prodding and let me remind you I had no pain meds in me. He said some big guys sure howl right about now.

2. Left Shoulder:

This doctor finally figured out what happened to my shoulder , which in turn caused problems elsewhere and now I know why I have the pain and problems in those areas. When I hit my left shoulder and it was shoved up under me it jammed it into my collar bone which shoved the collarbone into my sternum at my throat and causes a rib to hurt. so he starts his exam of my shoulder and I swear not only did I see stars but the moon too! I can't even follow half of what he's saying I'm doing all I can not to pass smooth out and fall off the table. He's got a plan....ok ok I'm shaking my head and my ears are ringing I'm not 100% sure what I just agreed to except he seems confident and Eric's sitting in the chair kinda nodding his head. Doc leaves the room to go look at my disk again, the nurse comes in with a tray and Eric says "whatever you do don't look on that tray"...well gee hello.....what am I going to do....what did I do....yep I looked. Now I'm sure these people are just out to torture me, they want to torture me. I'm actually sitting there thinking, "Lord, have I not been through enough, enough pain, enough struggle, enough of everything that on top of it all I have to suffer more, I'm here to not hurt and the plan currently is to just cause me more pain". So for now, more pain it is....I got a big momma shot in that shoulder. Wheeew boy I wasn't ready for that. I asked if I could lay down for it, NOPE, in order to get it in the right place you have to sit up. Ok, bring it on. And I swear sometimes when I think about it now I would almost fly off that motorcycle again because I went numb then I guess when that happened, and this shot hurt a whole heck of alot more. Doc said lots of guys curse, yell or even cry, so I felt better that all he got out of me a big ol long grunt noise. But I tell you if he had said he was doing my knees I think I would have passed right out! lol Plan is if I can not get any relief from the shot, surgery is the only option left. (the shot helped for that night and some of the next day)

3. Left Wrist:

Some stuff is misplaced in there and it won't stay where it is suppose to, therefore it is just going to have to be fixed.

4. Left Hand:

Due to the wrist issued and damage to the hand and fingers the ligaments or tendons or something are not laying where they are suppose to and he will consult with a colleague, Dr. Kelly, to take care of my hand. Dr. Kelly works on hand issues alot more.

5. Left Elbow:

Wait and see on it. He is thinking that after shoulder surgery and wrist and hand surgery that the issues I am experiencing with the elbow will be resolved. If not, then we will back up and punt and fix it too.

6. Back:

Starting with the lower back, taking a MRI. Possible back surgery in the low back/hip area and shoulder region.

Current order of surgeries: Right knee, left knee, left shoulder, left wrist, left hand. Then we will re-evaluate the left elbow and talk more about the back. I'm going to continue to hope and pray and work on my back. If my knees get fixed and I can walk right then I am hoping that some of the back issue will be resolved.

I got back 02-24-11 to go over everything and get prepared. To review my mri done on my lower back. To review the shoulder. They are looking at doing the first surgery on March 8 and I am on stand by. Tyler is needing to see a different specialist and Children's Hospital is working on getting him set up with that appointment and testing that is needed. I don't want to be down and unable to go to that appointment with him.

Two days after this ortho appointment I had my first appointment with a ear, nose, throat doctor in Russellville. I really like him. He was funny and thought he was on top of his game so when I get in the exam chair and he's doing all his funny lines etc, etc, then asks me what happened.....well some things pop in my head, hit my mouth and pass my lips before I can stop them. I had already told two people my story, he had the notes in front of him....so I said "welp... secretly I am Wonder Woman and I flew through the air but failed to stick my landing, I need help doc", he and everyone outside the cubical were laughing. Needless to say it was a fun appointment. The problem as it appears for now is there is a tear between my ears deep in my head, lost of things makes the pressure change in my ears and brings on the ringing and clogged up feeling, which causes my head to hurt and makes it hard to hear plus brings me the slowness at times. And my hearing test showed decreased hearing. I got a medicine to try in hopes to control the fluid and pressure allow it to decrease or go away which should make the ringing stop then the tear can heal on its own and not require surgery. Sounds good, and simple, which is what he suggested we try first. Problem....I took the first pill, had chest pains and felt like I couldn't breathe. The more I moved around or tried to talk it made it harder to breathe. So I commenced to laying around for about a day or two till it wore off. Then I waited a week and a half before I had the guts to try another pill. Same thing happened. My blood pressure is great and it is lowering it. Now what.....

March is filling up fast with appointments for Tyler and me. My mom and dad have appointments for issues with their back and possible upcoming surgeries as well. Please keep my whole family in your prayers, we all do greatly appreciate them. Pray for total healing, wellness, no complications, comfort, etc and also that my sister stays healthy!!

Displaced knee caps

Everyday therapy

Crash.........Boom................Ouch VII

We go the physical therapy three times a week. E is doing very well with his shoulder.  He has alot of range of motion back in his arm, except for side to side and behind the back but its getting better.  He will need to continue therapy on his own and can start slowly working on rebuilding his strength.  Baby steps but it seems to be working! 

This past Monday we met with Dr. Collins in Little Rock for a check-up.  They took new x-rays of the shoulder.  Dr. Collins hopes that there is just a shadow showing up but there is a chance that the cartilage in his shoulder is dying.  We both have been told that due to us both hitting certain areas of our body with such force that we could end up with cartilage dying in those areas, and it doesn't grow back.  If this is indeed happening in his shoulder it will leave at least one of the screws eventually sticking out into his shoulder joint.  SOOOO... in three months we will go back and E will have a CT done, Dr. Collins and the radiologist will review it to determine if it is indeed dying and receding.  If that is happening then E would have to undergo another surgery to remove the screw.  Until then we are going to pray, hope, wish and pray some more that all will be well and try to live as normally as we can till then.  

  

I had a appointment with a orthopedic doctor in Russellville before Christmas.  My doctor (Dr. I) felt that at least that day I should/would receive some injections in my knees and back. I was looking so forward to having some of this pain gone and being able to enjoy Christmas. Unfortunately, my appointment didn't go anything like E and I had hoped. In fact it was one of the worst doctor appointments I have had in a very long time.  The doctor was running behind, and after he introduced himsself he pointed that out.  Since I didn't have anything broke he wanted to move on to the next person.  When I pointed out that I wasn't there for broke bones that it was tissue, muscle, ligiments and tendons and I was under the impression that was what he fixed, he then proceeded to tell me I had mutiple issues and he could only focus on one at a time. Even went as far as to use hand motions to get his point across.  E asked him if that meant he could only talk about one at a time because we understood that only one thing could be fixed at a time but we needed to talk to him about everything so he could determine what needed fixed first. 

He only wanted to discuss one item and I was to pick.....what if I picked the wrong one?

It's not my job to determine what needs fixed the longer some things go on it's possible that I could have lasting damage that cannot be fixed or that it could take more substantial surgery to fix. Long story short (because there's more to the story and it just makes me so darn mad), he didn't really look at me, hardly glanced at my disk with the mri's and x-rays on it, didn't examine me so we left there with nothing...nothing...nothing I tell you. Other than wasting alot of time, us both missing physical therapy that day (a Friday nonetheless which means I had to wait till Monday to get a little relief) gas money lost and we ended up just more frustrated. 

I cried all the way home.

But God gave me a little message and some more patience. If I can be a advocate for my child when he is ill then I need to be my own advocate. So Monday morning at therapy I started pushing for my own home machine, and then I made a new appointment with Dr. I to find a new orthopedic doctor. Later that week I saw my doctor, who I have to say again that I really am blessed to have, told him what happened and we agreed I needed to be seen by someone and then we started down the list to find a new surgeon.

By God's blessing I have scored a appointment with the highly coveted Dr. Jones.

The only draw back is I would have to wait a month before seeing him, February 1st is THE day!! But his nurse assured me that he could handle all my issues and I've heard nothing but good things from people about him so as I try to not get worked up about it I just can't wait!!! (It's silly that all I have to look forward to this year is my appt with him) If I could... I'd shake a tail feather, but since it brings me pain to do so, pain that is bone on bone grinding pain I won't, but inside I'm shakin it!! LOL

I have reached the point that physical therapy is helping me get through each week but isn't really healing me, therefore something must be done. They got me my own home machine, which helps alot.  I use it every day that I need to on the areas that need it, what a blessing to have it!!

As much as I'm excited about meeting my surgeon I'm also nervous and a little scared.   

I have more electrodes hooked up to me daily just to be able to get through the day...to get through the pain. But I wanted this so I could cut down on my pain meds, I hate being doped up, I refuse to be in a fog daily. So if you see me with wires coming out from under my clothes well....just think....I'm working on getting closer to being Super Woman now!

Next plan....flying...OH wait, I've mastered that one so what should my next super power be? LOL

Sooo let the countdown begin..........

.......25 days

Crash.............Boom................Ouch VI

E is doing very well, he is doing more and more left armed....by the time this is all over he may be officially left handed. He goes back to Little Rock for a checkup shortly before Thanksgiving.  He is hoping that all is healing well, that the new xrays show a good report and that he can be scheduled to start physical therapy very soon.

Just when I thought I was finally getting on the road to better I had a change and have ended up on the road to worse.  Two weeks ago we got out and E drove us over Mt Magazine which turned out to be a not so good thing for me I guess.  I had three very bad days in a row that nearly landed me back in the ER.  So now I am on a complete different regimen.  Plans are hopefully this next week they are going to start figuring out what Ortho doctor and Neurologist I am going to be sent to.  Besides many other issues I still have fluid on both knees and my left elbow. While I am really looking forward to that and ready to progress on to figuring out what all is actually wrong and messed up and to what degree and to start working to figure out how to get better and what is gong to have to be done to get there........I am starting to dread it at the same time. It is going to be a long road, and probably painful they say....and I am so tired of pain. 

Not only in the last two weeks did we have to deal with the physical medical changes with me.... we both had to deal with the mental changes due to stress, etc, about money going out, out, out and none coming in and everything that goes along with that.

We got out and went and saw the motorcycle.  None of the pictures I took do it justice, it doesn't matter at what angle I take them you just can't see everything.  I really wanted to take one of E sitting straddle the bike, but he wouldn't get on it. So I had to settle with one of him beside it even though he really didn't want me to take it.  Then in the same night we viewed the video tape of the wreck from the store.  That turned out to be way more hard and emotional than I thought it would be.  In the end after we got home, E said it was hard for him to watch also.  So then I started having the dreams again.....it was very hard for me because the first thing I thought was "we were mowed down!", I knew that the car was making the turn and not stopping at all for us, I saw the front tire of the bike hit the car, and several witnesses said the car was speeding....we didn't realize it until we actually saw how fast he was going. Then because I didn't see anything that was behind me due to where I landed, etc....I actually got to see how far from the bike I ended up. We both had hoped that by watching the tape the blanks that we have would be filled in and they were not, that was disappointing in a way, but in the end maybe better for both of us. 

I am going to attach a photo of the bike, it doesn't show much though. I also am going to attach a photo of my spine showing the bend in my neck and upper back.  My lower torso (hips) are twisted sideways. 

I know people talk, gossip whatever you want to say and you can not stop human nature, that is understandable.  I, nor E are not in no way, fashion or form, mentally messed up due to not wearing helmets.  The issues I am dealing with are not due to a helmet or head trauma, (and yes my head does still hurts in a few places).  Yes financially we are struggling, who wouldn't be! you can only save so much for a rainy day, and due to his foot issues and now this wreck he pretty much will be off 5-6 months the year of 2010.  year.  We have NO income, no we have no disability coverage, E started a new job a year ago, they didn't alert us as to when the yearly change was so we can add or delete insurance coverage, etc....needless to say thanks to someone in the office "forgetting" to tell the newbie that works 3-4 hours from the main office we are in a pickle.  We have always had some sort of disability coverage. 

Maybe you will never have to experience any of this in your lifetime, and that would be wonderful for you and your family, but please think about how your comments affect us. 

In the past month I have had two people come by the house trying to sell us stuff and one asking to do work around our place for a fee.  And in the past week I have been asked four times to make donations to various organizations, because I have done so in the past I knew a few were going to be asking again.  I had to say no.  It breaks my heart.  It breaks my heart not to do my volunteer work right now.  It breaks my heart to say no I can't donate now due to our situation and get asked three more times about making some kind of commitment. 

I know all this is becoming very had on Tbird.  I hate it.  I feel helpless. We had our accident on Sunday and on Tuesday he was the number one seed for his Tennis team at District.  The stress and worry of our situation and the fact that while he was getting ready for his first match we were yet again at the doctor didn't help him.  He played a good game....not his best.  He got beat barely.....his dream of going to State is shattered. 

Crash.........Boom...........Ouch V

Oooohhh what a day......

On Thursday, October 14, 2010 in Little Rock, at the new Baptist Hospital E had shoulder surgery.    

The morning started out crazy and hectic, but with all that we were running on time.  Early by at least thirty minutes in fact....(go ahead all my friends and chuckle about this, but it's true, I was on time!)

Pretty much everything went fairly smoothly.  I am usually a nervous wreck, most of the time can't sit still, ever the worry wart.....huummmm could it be the meds I'm on that kept me calm you say?   Maybe, BUT I didn't take any that day at all just so I would be as alert as I possibly could. So I'd like to say I was calm due to God taking my worries away.

It was definately a very long day, but ended with a good outcome.  Dr. Collins had some new tests ordered before surgery....a certain type of cat scan formatted to his liking. During surgery he found that the pieces he was afraid would be to shattered to use to put the biggest break (a 4mm offset of the gleniod) back together were useable and put two screws in to reset the gleniod and gave E a smooth joint like he had before.  The shattered parts didn't need a bone graph or plate, as long as he does what he's suppose to and things don't shift Dr. Collins left that alone, along with the breaks in the scapula, to heal on their own.  He didn't cut through the muscles but instead seperated them, and that too was to help on recovery time.  The surgery was originally scheduled for two plus hours but only took about an hour!! E has about a 4 inch area on his shoulder that has ten steri-strips on it. He has to wear a special brace and can't do anything (which drives him nuts).  

Since he was previously affected with MRSA this year there were alot of extra steps to go through because of that but it was just precautions and rules.  While in his short stay room he kept saying he was going to the football game Friday night!  The ride home was long, and it was late, but he was determined he wasn"t spending the night in the hospital.  He made it through Friday morning well, but as the day went on he started not feeling so well.  He was trying to go without any pain meds so he could get out and go to the game, but ended up having to listen to it on channel two.  Once we got his meds in him about an hour later he was feeling better, he doesn't take them often at all and seems to be doing well without them.  He's not allowed to move his arm at all until further instructions. The most he gets to do is squeeze a red squishy ball to promote circulation. We got back to Little Rock in a week to meet with Dr. Collins and let him verbally "lay down the law" to E on what he can do and can not do. But you know it's going to be the same things I've already been telling him! LOL

I'm always saying the weekends go by way to fast, but this past weekend went by slow at our house! 

I want to also give a thank you shout out to my friend S for sitting with me all day Thursday and being away from her family and her business, and for being our taxi cab around Little Rock.

And to my little sister.....thanks to you and MeeMee for getting the house ready for us Thursday to come home to, even for going over later and turning the lights on and making a late night run to WalMart for us, for taking time away from your family to help us, to cook, to shuttle us around, etc...  

I will be getting some MRI's, c-shots, etc, etc, to figure out what's going on with me.  E goes back to Little Rock the 25th.  After that we should know what we are looking at and for how long....but three months keeps getting repeated on the minimum for E.  We are hopeful and optimistic that he heals well, and is as good as new if not better when this is all said and done.  Insurance people are coming to look at the bike, this week I believe.  Maybe one day I will post a pic of it when I gather the courage to share. We haven't saw it in person still, well E saw it after the wreck but I didn't get to, I think one day soon we are going to go take a gander at it.  

Crash..........Boom............Ouch IV

E got his stitches removed from his head and now that I can see his laceration better, it looks nothing like I thought it did. But it is healing well. We finally obtained the police report after 12 days. 

After 45 minutes this morning at the doctor's office they finally got everything set up and I got to see a doctor!! YAY!  I like him, you just have to listen to his stories (LOL) way better than having to have a doc that doesn't care or a bad bedside manner.  I spent all morning there, and also really liked the nurse I had and the desk staff. What a wonderful blessing!! I went in prepared for a fight and was met with "what can we do to get you better", "and it's gonna take us some time if you want to get in today but I think we can do it", you don't always run into that.

Dr. I reviewed all my xrays done the night of the accident and my cat scan.  I got some new xrays done today, why do they make you turn like a pretzel to take a film? LOL Nothing is broke and instead of some swelling going down I have a few places that it's not and a few new places that have started hurting.  New plan of action, he thinks I need to give the head longer to heal, I'm just pushing it too much and too far, same with pretty much everything else too. 

Got a steriod shot today, my first! It is  suppose to help with the swelling and pain. (huummm I think my hands are feeling better already...maybe) The pills they gave me for that previously made me sick so I had to stop taking them. 

They say this shot will last for a while.....bad thing about it you will gain 3-5 pounds...

HELLO what chic wants that!

Good news, they tell me it will go away (but still).

I asked my nurse to give me the shot in my numb hip...it didn't hurt, but HELLO afterwards for a hour it did. Man the things a girls gotta go through to feel better so she can start putting on her makeup and fixin her hair to look good LOL. Got some new meds and a fancy sling to keep my left arm immobile and stay off my feet as much as possible (yeah easier said than done).  Gotta give it about a week and a half to two weeks and go back and see Dr. I for a new assessment. There are some things he is watching and if some of those things aren't better with my knees or elbow, without going into all the details I will get some MRI's done and could be looking at some surgery. 

I told him I've deemed myself Super Woman since I flew through the air (LOL) and we can say we walked away from this wreck.  He agreed I must be some kind of super woman since he knew I had to have been hurting this past week and kept on keeping on.  I have some popping in my knees and shoulder. I should fit right in with hunting season here, E says I sound like a gun going off.  My doctor is a  older guy, like a big teddy bear, he told us instead of getting a bike in our mid-life crisis or whatever you want to call it we should have gotten a sports car! (yeah he doesn't know me to well with the lead foot and all does he!)

Got a long day tomorrow, but hopefully it all goes well and we finally get Eric on his road to recovery.  I feel confident in Dr. Collins, I just hope when he gets in there it all goes smoothly since he said it was a complicated surgery. 

I think I need to get some duct tape or something to hog tie E down here at the house afterwards.  He went out yesterday to "exercise" his left hand and arm.....shooting pistols. 

God give me the strength to wrestle with him I think I'm gonna need it!

Oh yeah, someone turned in front of us today.....yes again....I'm started to wonder if we aren't a magnet! Anyway, it was the only time today when we were out that I was totally in panic mode, my heart went in my throat and was poundin something crazy like.  But for the most part I think I made it pretty good today.  Tomorrow, well that may be a different story, E's brother B is driving us to Little Rock.

B combined with Little Rock traffic may not make for a good combination LOL.

Eric can't eat after midnight. If you know Eric and his stomach that could turn into torture for the rest of us. That Sunday when we left the hospital after the accident his first request was  to obtain food....soon!

Beam me up.........Superwoman's getting re-charged!!

I got to start physical therapy.

Crash...........Boom.............Ouch III

The first week was spent going to the doctor and the doctor and the doctor.

Everyday we had to take Eric to some medical facility of some sort. After a great friend pulled some strings we were able to get in to see Dr. Collins in Little Rock five weeks before we, at one point, thought we were going to.  We really, really like him!! He's suppose to be some sort of amazing doctor/shoulder genius! Dr. Collins will put the "puzzle pieces" of E's shoulder back together on Thursday (10-14-10) 
I know he's dreading the recovery but like with everything else (and since he's so stubborn) he'll work hard through the therapy to get better as soon as he can.  He won't let anyone hardly do anything for him, he says he has to figure out how to live for the next three months or more using his left hand. (I have to tell you some things are pretty funny to watch especially the whole brushing of the teeth!)


After being on the road everyday I realized very early off that I wanted nothing more than to stay home.
Locked up. 


It probably was good to be forced to get out so that I wouldn't do that, but we realized that I have alot of anxiety/anxiousness. 
I didn't want to let E out of my sight. 
Every time we came upon a car, or someone turned I was reaching for that brake in the floor that isn't there.  Coming back from one of our trips to Little Rock, E's brother C deemed that one of us is a magnet for people to want to turn in front of us, we lost count the number of times it happened. 


I don't have all the answers right now to a lot of things and especially the big one..... how we are going to live for three to four months with no income.
Just when I start getting impatient about it I calm right down. 


Someone must have sent up a prayer right about that time!


God left us here for great things.....I'm just waiting to hear from him again. 

Crash...........Boom..........Ouch II

I thought we would be killed when we hit that car. 

I truly had a quick thought that one or both of us would not live because a wreck had been my biggest fear when we got the bike.  A understandable thought sure, but my thought nonetheless was of a accident. 

Eric's been riding some form of bike since he was a kid into his adult life, did I trust him...most certainly...I was nervous and apprehensive but he never hardly drove the speed limit with me, we liked to just "toodaled" along. He rode any way that would make me feel as comfortable as possible and to make it as much of a enjoyable experience for me as he possibly could. He truly wanted this to be something great for the two of us to do, we had talked about taking a day drive up the pig trail soon....

It was cold that Sunday but I wanted to go out on the bike.

Yes now I wish I had said lets turn back many, many a time.  But in the end I would have missed something very important, and although it is going to be a big strain financially (and I've no idea how we will manage) and a strain physically on us, we can't change what happened. 

Our year has been tough on us in alot of ways.  Since July with Eric's whole foot issue, well at times I was feeling that God wasn't hearing me. 

BUT here's what I would have missed if Sunday had been different....I had a epiphany while laying in that road and noone nor nothing can, or will take that away from me. And I think that perhaps at times the devil was trying to horn in on my "rejoicing" as it may be called because on that Sunday I felt as if I had dueled with the devil and won!!  

Why God did it this way to let me know He is with me when I need Him I don't know. He knows how stubborn I can be and I guess He felt He had to bend me to see Him.  Now for all you nonbelievers, I don't hold that against you. What you choose to believe is strictly up to you so please don't hold my whole God experience against me and snarl your nose at me.  I can and will say this in a different way that I hope you understand as well....plain and simple we could have been killed, just like anyone can die at any time, but we weren't, we lived, this wasn't our time, and I make no apologies for being down right happy about it!!

Lots of things happened to me while laying there, many things that alot of you will never understand and some things that I can't share with just everyone.

I do however want to tell you about a few. 

When I opened my eyes the sunlight was bright and for a moment there I thought it was THE light, and I was alone.  The next time I opened my eyes THE light was still bright and I thought I saw someone I recognized.........someone in who is in Heaven. I opened my eyes again and there were people around me, someone was talking to me but I really couldn't hear him and I tried to tell him to hold my hand, but I was having such a hard time breathing and was panting I don't know what happened. I heard Eric asking me (from far off) if I was ok and he sounded in pain and I had a quick flash of a horrible image of him laying in the road mangled.

I couldn't move. 

I couldn't breathe. 

And I shut my eyes again.

Next there were more people talking to me, telling me not to move, I saw my Uncle D and couldn't believe it was him, I shut my eyes again. When I opened them he was still there he looked like he couldn't believe that it was me in front of him.  I asked him to hold my hand and guess I got it out because he did and I asked him not to leave me, I shut my eyes again. I have a  high pain tolerance and at times in order to calm myself I go to this place....sometimes I "chant" in my head, whatever works to get me through whatever the situation may be. When I opened my eyes again Uncle D was still there.... people were saying the ambulance had been called, don't move, could I squeeze their hand (with my right hand), where did I hurt, did I think I could move, don't move but did I think I could move (no, I couldn't feel my left side) could I wiggle my toes (yes!), etc etc, etc....Some nice biker lady (I call her this because she had on a do-rag and riding clothes) stayed behind me and held my hips up as I layed on my side and it felt like such a relief to have her there. She patted my shoulder and said things to me that seemed comforting and supportive at the time, although now I can't remember what they were.  A guy in a light colored t-shirt and jeans was trying to figure out where all I hurt and what needed immediate attention for when the ambulance got there. I saw some other faces all telling me it was going to be ok, that they all saw what happened, not to worry.....a real pretty lady in a pink shirt with some buttons on it bent over my head the whole time to get the sun out of my eyes so I could try to keep them open. It had to have hurt her back but she said "it's what I could do to help". I saw a soldier in a uniform with our insignia on it. I saw a biker dude in a black do-rag, black coat or shirt and a dark beard I saw his lips move and then I realized he said "why isn't she crying".  I saw E only once and thought if he's up and walking he's not too bad, right?  He was running on adrenaline and in the ambulance he "came down" off it.  He said some lady kept trying to keep him sitting down and put pressure on his head and she told the group of people that was around him that she needed something to put on his head. A guy took off his shirt and said "use this, I don't need it or want it back he needs it more". (this is so significant to us cause that is usually E doing something just like that!) When E would get up and walk around that lady went with him trying to keep that shirt on his head.  His shoulder was hurting him something bad. He really thinks his head was cut when he was thrown threw the windshield not by hitting it on the ground. I tell you all this information simply because of this....with E being a fireman he's on "scene" at alot of different things, we all in our lives may have helped at a wreck or some kind of accident before or will in the future, by being a bystander who is going to be around the injured you need to be helpful, calm and as nice as possible, it really does help! Until now I haven't had the experience of being on the other side and receiving the help, I've always been the helper. A bunch of guys loaded our bike by hand into the back of Uncle D's truck. I was asked if I had any ID and said yes in my saddle bag on the right side of the bike.  Our stuff from our saddles bags was thrown all over from what I was told, my saddle bag had been ripped off, people gathered all our stuff up for us. A few days later when we went through our belongings, everything was there!   

Our accident happened around 4:30pm and I knew Tbird was going to be home soon, when I asked what time it was I was told 7:12pm, uuuuuh well crap where have I been and what's going on with my son.  

I was unaware that through time the waiting room was filling up.  I had asked Uncle D to come to the hospital and the soldier to call a friend of ours,another soldier.  I had no idea if my phone survived the crash, couldn't use it anyway they had me strapped down like a pudgy donut about to fall off a plate. I remember thinking after we know what's wrong then we'll tell our family.....I never thought about Uncle D calling my dad! ( But of course he did). One of the nurses told me at some point my mom was in the waiting room and I was thinking how did she get there? She told me a lady and guy was there too, I figured that was Uncle D and the other lady had to be for someone else. 

So to my surprise I was greeted with a room full of people later that night when we got released, my mom and dad, Tbird, my little sister and her husband and my nephew (who I scared by looking like I did) Uncle D and Aunt M (who I didn't even know was with him at the time) Aunt S, ours friends B & D, K, L& S and the boys all the way from Little Rock.

After a very short Monday night, we went to St Edwards Monday to meet with Dr. Harp.  He took some additional xrays of E's shoulder and decided we needed to have a Cat Scan done there to see what was going on.  They couldn't get him in on Monday so we had to go back Tuesday to Cooper Clinic to have it done. It takes 24 hours for things to process so back again to St Edwards on Wednesday for the reading of the scan.....The scapula (shoulder blade) is broke in several places, but he wasn't concerned with that, the glenoid (the end of the shoulder blade that is concavity (curved like a C kinda and fits against the ball of the shoulder) has a 4mm displacement break and needs to be re-aligned and pinned.  He's never done this type of surgery before.  We so totally appreciate him telling us that! He is consulting with another doctor in Ft Smith to see if he can do that type of surgery, next is Dr. Collins in Little Rock and third is a doctor in Fayetteville. We had hoped to find out Wednesday evening, but unfortunately we have to wait till Thursday to find out.  I told you previously that our accident was on video tape, the company that does the surveillance tapes is having trouble transferring their feed onto a different type of media for us and the officer to have. We are hoping that changes soon. E is doing good, other than his shoulder hurting he says he feels fine (I'm sure he's sore) he has those stitches in his head but says it's not a big deal at all and doesn't even complain about his head. He wears a big stabilizer brace at night and uses a sling during the day.  Doctor said just don't move it much or lift anything heavier than a pencil or fork with that hand/arm/shoulder.  He is planning on being at the Bearcat home football game Thursday night....no he is not (and no one better let him) do anything on the chain gang...but he wants to get out see friends, the kids, etc, before he's confined again and can't he says. 

His hurt arm is like a magnet to people though, I'm so afraid someone or something is going to happen to bump into or hit his shoulder and make it worse. His reply....nah, it'll be ok! Ugh..MEN! lol

I hurt all over still, from my head to my knees.  I find new bruises every day. The medicine they gave me for the road rash must be working, even though it still hurts something horrible it is healing up.  I have a follow-up appointment next week to have a few things looked at, my left elbow, right knee and head.  I want to make sure that everything is on the right track to healing and going to be alright.  At some point I will have to go to the chiropractor to get checked out and adjusted.   Sometimes I get frustrated over a few things but Aunt M said it will get better in time, so I'm just going to keep telling myself that cause she's a nurse so I'm going to trust her.  I'm just really wanting to get E taken care of, fixed and on the right track of getting better, then I will feel better.  I am so amazed that we aren't hurt any worse than we are, every time I think about it its like a surprise almost. Since he feels pretty good other than the shoulder I really do wish it was me instead of him, but what was meant to be will be I guess.  

I don't preach and these blogs well that's not what this is meant to be, or maybe it is I don't know.  I'm just sharing with you all my heart and my thoughts. I am a Christian, if I say I am going to pray for you I mean it, an I will do it!  My hope is only this, that after you read my blogs about our journey you treat someone nice, that you tell someone you care, that you take one moment to slow down or that you do something to "pay it forward". 

Crash........Boom.........Ouch I

Things could have been alot worse.....

A Sunday afternoon joyride turns not so joyful......

We had been out on the bike not long at all. It's a pretty cheap something to do, $5 bucks to fill up we ride, (you can get in about 140 +miles on that $5 bucks) we visit with each other, see pretty country, eat a cheap bite somewhere and come home.

Since Tbird turned 16 and started driving this was something E thought we could do together to help our emptiness syndrome.

I think I'm sticking around home for awhile from now on.

It was cool out. We had stopped a few times to layer up. Doc said that in the end it helped keep from being cut to the bone.

I don't know how E managed it but he hardly has any road rash at all, just banged up, bruised, a large goose egg on his noggin and 9 stitches in that beautiful bald head. He has breaks in shoulder and will have to see a specialist to get it fixed.  

About the only thing that doesn't hurt on me from head to toe are my toes! But nothing is broke. It is mainly all down my left side. I skidded on my head (the left front) across the asphalt an hit my left cheek bone, my glasses protected my eye brow bone and my eye. My left elbow, wrist, hand and one finger are very bad but they say not broke. Bruised ribs, hip, kidney, and both my knees are banged up. It hurts so bad but I know it could be worse. I have alot alot of road rash, some places worse than others. 

We had many nice and wonderful people help us. 

I was so afraid I'd get ran over by a car while laying in the road and started to panic because I couldn't move or breathe. At one point I recognized my Uncle holding my hand turns out he was right behind us in his truck and saw it all. I only saw E once an his head was covered in blood. He wouldn't let them put him on a back board because they'd have to transport us separate since I was on one. Once he got in the ambulance I still couldn't see him but they started messing with him cause his bp dropped. I get car sick if I can't look out the window....it was a long ride let me tell you!  

I saw alot of ceiling. 

I was in a room for a long time. 

I was strapped down all over and couldn't move.

I finally started to cry but that made things hurt worse and I had trouble breathing, so I sucked it up and did my best not to.

The accident was somewhere around 4:30pm it was about 8:30pm or later before I got let off that horrid board and out of the neck brace. I did everything I could to be able to be released to go home.  

I finally got to go see Eric, lucky dude wasn't strapped down! He refused to go to a larger hospital because we'd be separated again. (stubborn sweet man of mine) 

He will need to see a neurosurgeon about his shoulder. 

For many, many hours it was very crazy,  and hard to deal with because I am always the one in control.

It was just like you see on tv or in blooper clips, the centrifugal force just throws you and rolls you across the asphalt like a rag doll, there's nothing you can do but wait till you stop. I heard E trying to say my name but I couldn't move or talk back, he crawled over to me but stayed behind me so I couldn't see him and not freak out. I have a amazing man who was more worried about me than himself.

The bike............. its totalled.

This 17 year old boy just turned right in front of us never slowed down or stopped. Just a few more seconds an he'd have turned into the side of us, so it could have been alot worse. It's on tape from the gas station, and it took me a month before I could watch that video.

I also think my riding days, though very short lived, are through. At least for a long long long time.

I know accidents happen and that's what it was a accident. Everyone, not just kids, has got to stop, slow down and just pay attention to bikes, cars, trucks, so many accidents could be avoided.

I know God was with us.

He blessed us with amazing caring by-standers, paramedics, doctors and nurses. 

What a great God to put my Uncle D and Aunt M there with us, it kept me from breaking down an to just let people take care of us instead of me worrying about taking care of us.

I also met, while on the pavement, one of my B Battery soldiers, not how I would have preferred to introduce myself as his Family Readiness Group President but hey, whatever works right! I gave him two names, without phone numbers, and that soldier made the phone call. 

I can't say enough about this....God was with us this I know!

The strangers He put around us were a comfort to me. They were caring and nice and they kept me from panicking. I knew people were with E, taking care of him and that was my main concern because I couldn't. 

I hope eventually the accident will stop replaying in my head and I can find some peace. 

Crash.............Boom...............Ouch Ouch Ouch

On Sunday, October 3, 2010, while out on a motorcycle ride, my husband and I had a automobile turn directly in front of us.  We of course immediately hit and our lives changed. These crash, boom, blogs are long winded, but they are more for me to keep in "print" things that happened or went on in the months that followed.

This picutre is from our first bike ride together in 2009.