I thought we would be killed when we hit that car.
I truly had a quick thought that one or both of us would not live because a wreck had been my biggest fear when we got the bike. A understandable thought sure, but my thought nonetheless was of a accident.
Eric's been riding some form of bike since he was a kid into his adult life, did I trust him...most certainly...I was nervous and apprehensive but he never hardly drove the speed limit with me, we liked to just "toodaled" along. He rode any way that would make me feel as comfortable as possible and to make it as much of a enjoyable experience for me as he possibly could. He truly wanted this to be something great for the two of us to do, we had talked about taking a day drive up the pig trail soon....
It was cold that Sunday but I wanted to go out on the bike.
Yes now I wish I had said lets turn back many, many a time. But in the end I would have missed something very important, and although it is going to be a big strain financially (and I've no idea how we will manage) and a strain physically on us, we can't change what happened.
Our year has been tough on us in alot of ways. Since July with Eric's whole foot issue, well at times I was feeling that God wasn't hearing me.
BUT here's what I would have missed if Sunday had been different....I had a epiphany while laying in that road and noone nor nothing can, or will take that away from me. And I think that perhaps at times the devil was trying to horn in on my "rejoicing" as it may be called because on that Sunday I felt as if I had dueled with the devil and won!!
Why God did it this way to let me know He is with me when I need Him I don't know. He knows how stubborn I can be and I guess He felt He had to bend me to see Him. Now for all you nonbelievers, I don't hold that against you. What you choose to believe is strictly up to you so please don't hold my whole God experience against me and snarl your nose at me. I can and will say this in a different way that I hope you understand as well....plain and simple we could have been killed, just like anyone can die at any time, but we weren't, we lived, this wasn't our time, and I make no apologies for being down right happy about it!!
Lots of things happened to me while laying there, many things that alot of you will never understand and some things that I can't share with just everyone.
I do however want to tell you about a few.
When I opened my eyes the sunlight was bright and for a moment there I thought it was THE light, and I was alone. The next time I opened my eyes THE light was still bright and I thought I saw someone I recognized.........someone in who is in Heaven. I opened my eyes again and there were people around me, someone was talking to me but I really couldn't hear him and I tried to tell him to hold my hand, but I was having such a hard time breathing and was panting I don't know what happened. I heard Eric asking me (from far off) if I was ok and he sounded in pain and I had a quick flash of a horrible image of him laying in the road mangled.
I couldn't move.
I couldn't breathe.
And I shut my eyes again.
Next there were more people talking to me, telling me not to move, I saw my Uncle D and couldn't believe it was him, I shut my eyes again. When I opened them he was still there he looked like he couldn't believe that it was me in front of him. I asked him to hold my hand and guess I got it out because he did and I asked him not to leave me, I shut my eyes again. I have a high pain tolerance and at times in order to calm myself I go to this place....sometimes I "chant" in my head, whatever works to get me through whatever the situation may be. When I opened my eyes again Uncle D was still there.... people were saying the ambulance had been called, don't move, could I squeeze their hand (with my right hand), where did I hurt, did I think I could move, don't move but did I think I could move (no, I couldn't feel my left side) could I wiggle my toes (yes!), etc etc, etc....Some nice biker lady (I call her this because she had on a do-rag and riding clothes) stayed behind me and held my hips up as I layed on my side and it felt like such a relief to have her there. She patted my shoulder and said things to me that seemed comforting and supportive at the time, although now I can't remember what they were. A guy in a light colored t-shirt and jeans was trying to figure out where all I hurt and what needed immediate attention for when the ambulance got there. I saw some other faces all telling me it was going to be ok, that they all saw what happened, not to worry.....a real pretty lady in a pink shirt with some buttons on it bent over my head the whole time to get the sun out of my eyes so I could try to keep them open. It had to have hurt her back but she said "it's what I could do to help". I saw a soldier in a uniform with our insignia on it. I saw a biker dude in a black do-rag, black coat or shirt and a dark beard I saw his lips move and then I realized he said "why isn't she crying". I saw E only once and thought if he's up and walking he's not too bad, right? He was running on adrenaline and in the ambulance he "came down" off it. He said some lady kept trying to keep him sitting down and put pressure on his head and she told the group of people that was around him that she needed something to put on his head. A guy took off his shirt and said "use this, I don't need it or want it back he needs it more". (this is so significant to us cause that is usually E doing something just like that!) When E would get up and walk around that lady went with him trying to keep that shirt on his head. His shoulder was hurting him something bad. He really thinks his head was cut when he was thrown threw the windshield not by hitting it on the ground. I tell you all this information simply because of this....with E being a fireman he's on "scene" at alot of different things, we all in our lives may have helped at a wreck or some kind of accident before or will in the future, by being a bystander who is going to be around the injured you need to be helpful, calm and as nice as possible, it really does help! Until now I haven't had the experience of being on the other side and receiving the help, I've always been the helper. A bunch of guys loaded our bike by hand into the back of Uncle D's truck. I was asked if I had any ID and said yes in my saddle bag on the right side of the bike. Our stuff from our saddles bags was thrown all over from what I was told, my saddle bag had been ripped off, people gathered all our stuff up for us. A few days later when we went through our belongings, everything was there!
Our accident happened around 4:30pm and I knew Tbird was going to be home soon, when I asked what time it was I was told 7:12pm, uuuuuh well crap where have I been and what's going on with my son.
I was unaware that through time the waiting room was filling up. I had asked Uncle D to come to the hospital and the soldier to call a friend of ours,another soldier. I had no idea if my phone survived the crash, couldn't use it anyway they had me strapped down like a pudgy donut about to fall off a plate. I remember thinking after we know what's wrong then we'll tell our family.....I never thought about Uncle D calling my dad! ( But of course he did). One of the nurses told me at some point my mom was in the waiting room and I was thinking how did she get there? She told me a lady and guy was there too, I figured that was Uncle D and the other lady had to be for someone else.
So to my surprise I was greeted with a room full of people later that night when we got released, my mom and dad, Tbird, my little sister and her husband and my nephew (who I scared by looking like I did) Uncle D and Aunt M (who I didn't even know was with him at the time) Aunt S, ours friends B & D, K, L& S and the boys all the way from Little Rock.
After a very short Monday night, we went to St Edwards Monday to meet with Dr. Harp. He took some additional xrays of E's shoulder and decided we needed to have a Cat Scan done there to see what was going on. They couldn't get him in on Monday so we had to go back Tuesday to Cooper Clinic to have it done. It takes 24 hours for things to process so back again to St Edwards on Wednesday for the reading of the scan.....The scapula (shoulder blade) is broke in several places, but he wasn't concerned with that, the glenoid (the end of the shoulder blade that is concavity (curved like a C kinda and fits against the ball of the shoulder) has a 4mm displacement break and needs to be re-aligned and pinned. He's never done this type of surgery before. We so totally appreciate him telling us that! He is consulting with another doctor in Ft Smith to see if he can do that type of surgery, next is Dr. Collins in Little Rock and third is a doctor in Fayetteville. We had hoped to find out Wednesday evening, but unfortunately we have to wait till Thursday to find out. I told you previously that our accident was on video tape, the company that does the surveillance tapes is having trouble transferring their feed onto a different type of media for us and the officer to have. We are hoping that changes soon. E is doing good, other than his shoulder hurting he says he feels fine (I'm sure he's sore) he has those stitches in his head but says it's not a big deal at all and doesn't even complain about his head. He wears a big stabilizer brace at night and uses a sling during the day. Doctor said just don't move it much or lift anything heavier than a pencil or fork with that hand/arm/shoulder. He is planning on being at the Bearcat home football game Thursday night....no he is not (and no one better let him) do anything on the chain gang...but he wants to get out see friends, the kids, etc, before he's confined again and can't he says.
His hurt arm is like a magnet to people though, I'm so afraid someone or something is going to happen to bump into or hit his shoulder and make it worse. His reply....nah, it'll be ok! Ugh..MEN! lol
I hurt all over still, from my head to my knees. I find new bruises every day. The medicine they gave me for the road rash must be working, even though it still hurts something horrible it is healing up. I have a follow-up appointment next week to have a few things looked at, my left elbow, right knee and head. I want to make sure that everything is on the right track to healing and going to be alright. At some point I will have to go to the chiropractor to get checked out and adjusted. Sometimes I get frustrated over a few things but Aunt M said it will get better in time, so I'm just going to keep telling myself that cause she's a nurse so I'm going to trust her. I'm just really wanting to get E taken care of, fixed and on the right track of getting better, then I will feel better. I am so amazed that we aren't hurt any worse than we are, every time I think about it its like a surprise almost. Since he feels pretty good other than the shoulder I really do wish it was me instead of him, but what was meant to be will be I guess.
I don't preach and these blogs well that's not what this is meant to be, or maybe it is I don't know. I'm just sharing with you all my heart and my thoughts. I am a Christian, if I say I am going to pray for you I mean it, an I will do it! My hope is only this, that after you read my blogs about our journey you treat someone nice, that you tell someone you care, that you take one moment to slow down or that you do something to "pay it forward".
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